A lot of people find it surprising to hear how much our kids sleep.  In reality, I think they are are in the normal ranges of what most doctors would recommend.  But in this day in age a large majority of children do not get the amount of sleep that they need, so I think that is why sometimes parents find it surprising to hear when our children go to bed and when they get up.  Recently, a fellow basket wife who would like to start trying for their second child asked me to write down my tips for good sleep.  So here is what I came up with:

1. Start with a consistent wake-up time.  I think having a consistent wake-up time is the key to getting children to sleep in a natural rhythm.  Anywhere from 6am-8am is a good wake-up time for a child.  Most parents don’t like seeing their child at 6am, but some are just early risers.  If they are waking up before 6am though, I would try to encourage them to go back to sleep.  In the early days of a newborn, I try to figure out what wake-up time might work well with when the rest of the family is getting up.  So for example, when Isaiah comes along in a few weeks, Lord-willing, mostly likely I will try and establish a 7am wake-up time with him.  Since the other 3 kids sleep until about 8am, this will give me 45 minutes of breastfeeding time with him, as well as time for diaper and clothes changes.

2. Keep stimulation low for newborns and babies. I think the biggest mistake we made with Abby early on was keeping her awake too long and providing too much stimulation during her wake times.  Imagine coming from an environment like a baby does where the womb was warm, dark and relatively quiet.  Then they come out and meet the cold air, loud sounds and flashes of cameras every two minutes.  I would be kind of cranky too!  They don’t need to be introduced to hundreds of toys, be played classical music and shown finger plays all at the same time!  I think as parents we feel like we have to be teaching them or doing something with them at all times or we are bad parents.  A newborn learns so much just by gazing at our face or watching a ceiling fan.  With newborns, we try and keep their stimulation to one activity per wake time and keep the wake time to about 1-1.5 hours (this includes feeding time).  We also try to look for signs of tiredness (for example, rubbing their eyes, avoiding eye contact, smaller pupils, etc.).  By the time they are yawning, you have already missed the window of opportunity in leading them into a smooth transition to sleep (as Dr. Weissbluth recommends, it should be like a gentle wave rolling into shore).

3. Keep day and night times distinctly different. Babies have to learn to figure out when day and night is so they know which time they are supposed to have long stretches of sleep.  When I go to wake a baby up during the day time, I use a cheerful voice, open up the blinds and interact with the baby.  When I go in for a night feeding (or am putting baby to bed) the lights are low, sounds are quiet and I try to avoid interacting at that time.

4. Eat, Awake, Sleep. I follow the cycle of the baby eating, having awake time and then being put to sleep (except for bedtime and night time feedings).  I do my best especially at the newborn stage to keep the baby awake during the feeding so that they can have a nice full tummy and get the hindmilk during the nursing.  I think this helps the baby not to be hungry again quickly (except during those growth spurt times) so that a full nap can be achieved.

5. Aim for a full nap. Anything 45 minutes or less I don’t consider a full nap.  I know a lot of people want to say they have cat nappers, but from what I have seen in my own children, it is usually a sign of being awake too long (as an early wake-up time in the morning is usually a sign of a too late bedtime).  If the baby wakes up before an hour, we usually wait a bit of time to see if they will fall back asleep.  Then we will try and sooth them back to sleep and give them some more time to fall asleep.  If they still will not sleep, we get them up and try to get back on track with the next nap.  Sometimes a whole day is off though and then you just wait to try again the next day!

6. Find soothing techniques for baby. There are a lot of different ways you can teach your baby to soothe himself/herself.  For both Elijah and Naomi after seeing them suck their thumbs during ultrasounds, I encouraged them to find that digit to offer comfort.  And yes, I know we will have to break that habit at some point.  We also use things like swaddling, white noise machines and rocking and cuddling.  Each child is different in what they find soothing though, just like adults are different.

7. Establish a good bedtime and routine. We go with bed times that many people find way too early, but have made for much better night’s sleep.  As Dr. Weissbluth recommends in his book “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child“, we aim for a bed time between 5-7pm for babies.  I know a lot of parents either feel trapped at home or won’t do this because a working parent can’t see the baby as much, but it is a sacrifice we have found well worth it.  Having a good routine at bed time has helped to signal that it is time for that nice long sleep as well.  For us, that includes rocking/cuddling, singing, reading a book and praying.

I realize children are all very different.  I think some are better sleepers than others.  Our three children have been relatively good sleepers, but some better/easier than others.  While I do consider it a gift of God’s grace that they are such good sleepers, I also consider it God’s grace in granting wisdom in good sleep training.  We pray very much for each child’s sleep well before they are born and seek to find ways to help each child get the rest that they need to be healthy.  Who knows how our fourth child may be as a sleeper.  I certainly learn as I go with each child!